Decisions

As life goes on I’ve realized that every decision I make is detrimental to my future.  Not just my future as in my general future that everyone talks about but my future happiness, my future thoughts, my future being, my future mood; the future me who will eventually be alone with nothing to dwell on but her past and future decisions.  Was I nice to the cashier at the store? Will that person I just met forever remember me as the bitch her friend brought or as a genuine individual? Is sleeping with this person going to impose negative feelings upon me later or was it fulfilling enough that I don’t necessarily care? Was drinking all that alcohol truly necessary to having a good time? Do i absolutely HAVE to contact that individual?

Whether it is a good decision or a bad one it affects me.  I face consequences for my decisions; sometimes they’re bad, sometimes they’re good, but most times self inflicted.  I can decide to think about that person that hurt me or I can decide to move on and enjoy my life.  I can dwell on regrettable things I’ve done or I can choose to learn from them and be happy.  We make all these decisions in life and I feel like most of the time we make them so quickly.  When we’re wasted and we know, ladies and gents, we just KNOW that the drunken sex is gonna suck… why do we still do it? So we can wake up and have our embarrassing “walk of shame”.  So we can see that person later and think about that one time we had a not-so-worth-it encounter then never spoke again?

I know it’s not all about these things that don’t really matter but thinking about the general age group and our stupid decisions really puts things in perspective for me.  we waste away our love and happiness on temperamental things and things (or people) of the past.  We are hasty in making a bad decision because “we want it RIGHT now” and it’d be easier to laugh about later.  When something good comes our way it’s like the whole world is going to end if we say yes to it.  I don’t know about you but I want my heart to feel happiness and love and I don’t want to have to depend upon outside happenings or an outside source to feel those things.  I don’t want to listen to a song or watch a movie and have a sad memory.

I’m going to be making some major decisions in my life and it’ll be something completely different and new for me.  I’m feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, even careless sometimes BUT it’s a good thing.  My whole world will not end it will continue to go on just like with my bad decisions.  I’m looking at my life, at what I’ve done so far and what I want, and I’m one, moving on and two, saying yes to the good things that come my way.  I don’t care how stressful it seems or how scary it looks.  Too many of us allow things in our life that only bring us negativity.  It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, decide to make yourself and those around you happy.

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