My heart hurts for you today. And I know eventually it’ll fade and I’ll be okay… but just for a moment I’m going to dive into that secret spot in my heart and feel you again.
I’m going to remember the good times we had and the few moments of laughter we shared. I’m going to remember a time when you were smiling and when your smile would make me smile. I’m going to think about your child like curiosity and how intrigued by little things you were. I’m going to think about the things you did that I thought made me feel better….
I’m going to remember that it was only after an argument I was shown that kind of affection. I’m going to remember how indescribably beaten my soul felt… Every. Single. Day. I’m going to remember that there were only good moments when I fed your heart but was left alone to feed my own. I’m going to remember how much I wanted to win. How much I wanted to feel again, so badly, but I just couldn’t get myself up out of the dark place in my mind I deemed safe.
I’m going to remember when I finally crawled out of my safe place, that dark, ugly place… my soul felt warmth. My heart felt feelings again. My voice sounded so sweet. My mind was someone I knew again. I’m going to remember that I’d never let anyone win again. I will be happy every day because I won. I will feel all the emotions because it is so refreshing to actually feel. I will never ever let anyone take me away from me again.
My heart hurts for you today not because I miss you. Not because I loved you. But because you will forever be in darkness and I hurt for you.
Listen to me:
I am who I am and that will never change. There will be people in life who want what you have and they’ll do anything to lock it away. Do not let them win. Do not let them back in. Do not waste your time missing them. Live your life in the sunshine, as dumb as that sounds, stay in the light.
For all them Tupac fans… me included 🙋🏽
“Keep ya head up”