Flashback

I saw you again. It was brief… but that’s all it took. That’s all it took for me to remember everything that was done. That’s all it took to resurrect everything I buried away. I’ve never wanted to run away so bad. To run as far away as I could so I’d never see you again.

Shut down… my brain told me over and over. Shut down, Gena. Get out, Gena. Fucking run, Gena. Panic. Anxiety. Confusion. Guilt. Embarrassment…. all rushed in.

I felt so much in one moment.

But something was different. I was in control. I was thinking and feeling and aware of what was happening. So I smiled. I no longer see the monster I did everything to hide from.

You stood in front of me and I smiled at you because not you or anyone else can hurt me like I was hurt before. My souls no longer crushed. I’m alive inside. Guys, feel that. Feel alive. I’m present in every moment I choose to live. Because I choose to live in every moment! I did that.

Run? No. Shut down? Never. Fight? Every day. Because I am worth it. I am loved. I am… me. Forgive? Yes because we’re human. And from one human to another, life isn’t always a sunny day. You have been in plenty rainy days, so allow this smile from another human, across the way, be your ray through the sky that’s always raining because you’re worth it too.

-Gena

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