“I wanted the same end game too, I just didn’t see it”
Those words have rang over and over again in my head. They’re intertwined with all the memories of you “seeing” it. They’re riddled with confusion and regret. Regret not for the moments we did have but for the last time you came back. The last time you showed up and you made clear your intentions with me. You told me you loved me. You said you were sorry. You said distance didn’t matter. And do you remember what I said?
This is what I should’ve stayed true to, this is what I regret. I told you that you were not meant for me and I not meant for you. I told you there would be someone else who would fill your heart with so much happiness and love. That it wouldn’t be me. I regret going against my mind and allowing my heart to win. I regret it because so much time could’ve been used elsewhere.
But I couldn’t just throw you away.
I felt like you changed up on me so fast, you threw me out with the morning trash. And I know, I’m not trash. Not even close. And I understand why you made that decision. I’ve accepted it. Why waste more time when we’ve wasted so much already. I reacted in a way that was extremely uncontrolled and emotional, for me.
But I just wasn’t ready to throw you out.
You see, I felt you in my soul for a year. In times we weren’t even talking, I felt you. That sounds insane but if you’ve ever felt that, you wouldn’t want to throw it away either. Because of that, your name will always have weight with me. I will always wish you the best. I will always be on the sidelines, running the last mile to the finish line with you.
I’ll watch and be happy for you when the crowd comes in to congratulate you. And in my own journey, I’ll remember you, always. In my own life I’ll think of you occasionally and smile because I refuse to think of the times I felt pained by you. And you by me. There were too many times your soul met mine for me to taint it with hurt.
I am ready to let you go for good now. I am ready to tell my soul to stop searching for yours. I am ready to move on.
“As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all people”
I hope that we are and will be. And know, there is one constant soul in this world that wishes you the best love, happiness and success this world can offer.