I close my eyes and slip into darkness. Arms spread wide, I fall, welcoming the cold splash on my back. Slowly my body is engulfed by waters comforting grip. The stars begin to fade as I sink deeper, watching as memories pass me by on the way down.
I interact with some, laughing as I did before. Smile at the fading faces I once knew. I feel and see everything as if it’s happening again, right in front of me. I reach out hoping my fingers will stretch… just enough… just to get one sweet touch, just to make it real again.
But… Submersed, I slip deeper.
Little giggles and precious voices flood my ears. These are the moments I wish to relive, It’s here my heart beats most. This place just below present and right above too far. A place where tears don’t reach.
But… I slip deeper still, the pull of sadness, of emptiness… threatens to paint what I’ve deemed blue, black.
The deeper I go, the darker it gets. There’s a girl curled up, on a bed. I can see her face, wet with tears, lifeless. The closer I get… I can feel her heart, it hurts. It aches so badly her breath is robbed away, her lungs caged in. These are the memories I wish could be erased forever.
My body hits the sandy bottom. Above me I see it all. My life thus far, laid out in front of me.
All the heartache and pain. All the laughter and joy. My failures and my victories. The good parts and the bad. Little pieces of me floating with different memories, different people. I look straight up and see my surface. I notice that there’s much more room for memories. There’s so much more left of me to give out.
I cannot quit here. I cannot give up now.
So I pull myself up onto my feet. I smile. And I push off the sandy bottom, catapulting myself up toward the dim light of stars.
Sleepless nights. Heartaches. Defeat. Love. Nothing will keep me down… even if that greatest something is myself. I will always find my way back, I will always be me, I will always keep my core complete and intact.
Your greatest enemy can sometimes be the person staring back at you in the mirror. Don’t let that person stop you from being a better you.