Do you know what it feels like to be in a room but hear nothing and see nothing? You know when you’re there but not really there. When you smile and laugh but nothings really happening inside.
Do you know how it feels to float among the souls passing by… empty and broken? You know when you’re going through the motions because routines all you got left to cling to. When you say hello to the cashier and ask how their day went but didn’t hear a word they said.
…. I use to dream of better days. Of being understood. Of being the one who answered knowing the person asking actually cared.
… I would fantasize over happier days. Waiting for that day to be tomorrow. Waiting for the switch to flip and things would be how I imagined.
Alive but lifeless… I lived in a future. I allowed each day to waste away. I denied myself and granted passage to every person who came my way. I let them pick me apart. I let them take what they wanted, and in its place, leave what they didn’t.
Oh but then I woke up. I realized who I was and what I was. I saw value in me because God sees value in me. I am not and never will be who you think I am. I will always be the girl you put into your own stories based off your limited perception on reality.
You see, the difference between me and you is, I don’t sit around hoping someone will come back to me. I pick myself up and move, so when they do, they come back to an empty room. Call me heartless. Call me cold. Call me whatever you want but victim, pathetic, and weak will not be words to choose from.
I suggest you stop trying to figure out who I am and focus, I mean truly focus, on who you are. Stop lying to yourself, stop wishing to be loved by someone other than yourself, and change your tune.
Don’t ruin whatever purpose you have in this life because you based your worth off things and people in this world.