What is destiny to you? Love, maybe? Life’s cards dealt to you? That seems to be a common use for the word destiny.

“We were destined to be” “We’re soulmates” “you were put in my life for a reason” “I’m destined for this” … and it goes on.

We all know the story. We’ve maybe even said this ourselves. But when is it that these moments in life turn into a belief system? When do we change the true meaning of destiny into something else? Something less healthy. Something more… based off dependency, or excuses, if you will, rather than destiny.

You see, things happen to us, we meet certain people, and we begin to talk ourselves into this belief system called “destiny”. We stay in love with the same people who continue to hurt us. Who continue to do us wrong. Who continue to disrespect and use us. And instead of realizing that the person just isn’t good for us we feed ourselves justifications and excuses. We close our eyes to the truth, the reality of that person and label it love.

We call it destiny. We say it was “destined to be”

When is that ever really okay, though? I mean think about it. We romanticize this word and blindly start tearing ourselves down. Tearing down; self-love, self-respect, and self-control.

That is not “destiny”. They are not your “soulmate”. Someone who can continuously hurt and abuse your love and your person were not destined to be yours.

I have nieces and nephews, sure not my own children, but I couldn’t imagine them putting up with half the shit I did because “they’re in love” because “they swear, they’re soulmates” because “this was destined to be” “meant to be”

I mean I know it’ll happen but I’d hope, when they reach that age, that I’m able to tell them that some things just aren’t okay. That I’m able to pull the smoke from their pipe dream and insert reality. That, as someone who wants to be a good example for them is able to show them, they are stronger and smarter to distinguish/determine their “destiny” and/or made up destiny.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in true love. I believe in some things being destined. I just don’t believe that those people who were meant to be will cause that much pain and hurt… unless that “destiny” eventually becomes self inflicted… an unhealthy dependency, a blanket word used to justify the reality.

You will feel love. You will feel hurt. And, trust me, it will hurt. It will be tough. But be strong enough to realize you are worth more than a love that hurts you. You are worth a consistent, constant, stick by you (not leave you) love. You are worth more than what you’ve convinced yourself was “destiny”

Destiny isn’t meant to be romanticized. It’s a belief. It’s meant to be exactly what it means. It’s life.

“1) something to which a person or thing is destined. 2) a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency.” – Websters

A lesson or a lifetime, and I believe we have the choice to determine which it will be. Because even though things may be destined… we were also, given the wonderful gift of free will.

Use it.


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