Jaded

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. And he texted me “we’re simply products of our environment” and you know that got me thinking.

I’ve been in such an isolated place lately. I’ve been mad. I’ve been sad. I’ve felt beaten down. And I’d try to write it out but they were always so dark. Everything flowing out of me was screaming to be heard, to be known, to be loved.

When he said that, I immediately thought “oh my gosh, have I become a product of my environment?”

Have I been so hurt that I finally let it claim power over my life’s outcome? Have I allowed the situations in my life determine who I am or who I’ll be? Have I lost?

I had a wonderful childhood. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t anyone’s “ideal” childhood. But I was loved. I was cared for. I never missed a meal.

However, I could say that the rough times in my childhood are why I am this way or that way. I can be angry and feel like I have a valid excuse for it but I’m not. I’m the opposite.

I didn’t have the perfect first time. I didn’t have the perfect first relationship. I didn’t have great relationships after that either. And I could be hurt. I can rightfully claim to be a victim. But I won’t. Because I’m the opposite.

Because I determine my own life. I decide how I’ll act or react. I deal with the consequences. Because I choose to love.

We all have things that happen to us that make us jaded. But what kind of excuse is that, when that person you’re being, is hurting those around you. Hurting people you bring into your life. Hurting yourself. There is no excuse, no one to blame, no one to project that jaded shell you’ve built around yourself on to, there is nothing that makes it right.

Be your own environment. And make it one that counts.

Gena

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